


To Do List

by PumpkinDoodles



Series: The Little Orchestra Series [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, CA: CW Doesn't Happen Thank God, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:13:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Darcy Lewis is a list person. So, when Jane Foster finally decides to take Tony Stark's job offer--long story, their security in Norway was SHIELDRA, Darcy had to tase him--Darcy makes a NYC to-do list. She's going to some concerts and she's gonna get Jane some fancy galaxy bath bombs that she saw in a magazine once. But her big list item is meeting Captain America. Her dad and her brother want his autograph.In the meantime, her brand new friend Steve--he's the head of Stark's Antique Weaponry Dept., sort of like a librarian or an archaeologist, she thinks--is really sweet. They've got a date.Tony Stark is going to see how long how Steve Rogers will let a girl think he's a librarian because he has a type: armed and badass brunettes. Everyone else is in on the bet, too.





	1. The List

to-do

tə ˈdo͞o

noun (informal) a commotion or fuss.

"he ignored the to-do in the hall"

Synonyms: commotion, fuss, ado, excitement, agitation, stir, palaver, confusion, disturbance, brouhaha, fracas, uproar, furor, tempest in a teapot, much ado about nothing.

 

After that whole mess in DC, Jane finally decided to take Tony Stark’s job offer and move into Avengers Tower in New York. Actually, Darcy had sort of talked her into it as they stood over the unconscious body of their SHIELD security guy in Norway. He’d been HYDRA. Darcy had tased the heck out of him. They’d never met Tony Stark--Thor was always inviting them to come for his huge bashes--but Jane had been concerned about letting a Stark near her Science!, so Darcy had never met any of the famous Avengers. The SHIELDRA guy made Jane change her mind; she’d thought Grant was one of the good ones.

 

As soon as Jane said yes, Darcy started thinking about her NYC to-do list. She was a list person. There was one thing she particularly wanted. She put it last on the list.

 

Darcy’s To-Do List, with add’l. commentary:

 

  1. Take full advantage of the Stark amenities package after years of intern poverty/student debt: real kitchen, real laundry room, real gym (“Stop laughing, Jane, I will, too”), actual fancy bathtub, even the free Starkflix movie and music streaming service. 
  2. Go to all the nifty museums that she was eligible for a discount at as a Stark employee (allegedly, this was a Pepper Potts perk, not a Tony one, so she listed it separately) 
  3. Go to a LUSH store, buy a lot of fancy lady bath products with actual salary (see item #1). Get Jane that galaxy themed bath bomb you read about in the magazine.
  4. Go to a grocery store, get baking supplies for first real kitchen in years (see item #1). Make Jane that *enormous* galaxy cake from the other magazine for her birthday, not just a sad microwave mug cake for lab workaholics (even if darling Jane did pretend to be delighted because it was a confetti mug cake).
  5. See if you can talk Tony Stark into making you a really badass taser. Offer to name it after him. He seems to like that. Tasey Stark? Sparky Stark? Other, normal person name? Tonya? (Tony seems like the exact person who’d enjoy a Tonya Harding-Stark taser joke).
  6. Go see the following bands in concert, because all cool smaller bands go to NYC, not rural New Mexico or rural Norway: Pink Martini, Lavay Smith and her Red Hot Skillet Lickers, Kat Edmonson, Rupa & the April Fishes, Claire Fader and the Vaudevillains, She & Him, Hailey Tuck, Postmodern Jukebox.
  7. Meet Captain America. Get his autograph for your brother and your dad. Best Xmas present ever!



 

***

“Tony, I really appreciate this,” Captain America was saying in Tony’s lab at that exact moment. It had been a tense, frightening few months after the fall of SHIELD. Steve had worked up his courage and shared his information about Bucky and he and Nat’s suspicions about the Starks’ deaths with Tony. Thankfully, Pepper had made counseling and PTSD therapy a prerequisite of resuming their long distance relationship; when they all finally put two and two together and confirmed the Winter Soldier had killed Howard and Maria, Tony was more stable than he’d been since sometime in 1990. Still, Steve couldn’t believe what Tony was telling him.

 

“I’ve forgiven Barnes. Go get your friend the Soviet murderbot, Cap,” Tony told him. “Let’s see if we can’t do something for him.”

“Tony, are you sure?” Steve asked doubtfully. Was Tony really offering to give Bucky a home?

“Look, Steve, I’ve talked to people with SHIELD who dismantled that bank vault. They tell me that he would have killed his own parents and not known who they were,” Tony said, sighing and fidgeting with an anti-stress ball from Pepper. “Maybe things would have been different if my father had transported the damn serum with a military escort, not in the trunk of the car with my mom, too. She’d still be alive, at least. There are a thousand different ways you can beat yourself up, but I’m not doing that anymore.”

“Yeah,” Steve said. He reached over and hugged Tony. After a second, Tony hugged him back. They were careful not to look into each other’s eyes for several moments. Finally, Tony cleared his throat.

 

“Ok, I gotta go downstairs and meet Dr. Foster. We finally got her on-board, so Point Break will be happy. She and her Rhodey are moving in today. Her Rhodey apparently tased a HYDRA guy who was their security,” Tony said, laughing.

“Dr. Foster has a roadie? Like a band roadie?” Steve asked, confused. When he’d gotten out of the ice and done that road trip, he’d gone to some concerts.

Tony laughed. “No, she has an intern who is her BFF in life and science, apparently. She’s like Foster’s version of War Machine, she even tased Thor.”

“She tased Thor?” Steve asked.

“Apparently, when he landed in New Mexico, he practically landed on them,” Tony said. “I’ve been told she’s sort of your type, Steve. An ass-kicking brunette like Aunt Peg.”

 

***

Darcy Lewis was unloading the last of their equipment from the van in the Stark parking garage when she heard male voices. She turned and saw Tony Stark looking at her. “Oh, hey, you’re Tony Stark,” she said, giving him a little wave and grin. “I’m Darcy Lewis, Jane’s non-Asgardian Significant Other. Platonically of course.”

  
“Nice kicks, Darcy Lewis,” Tony said, grinning at her widely. She was wearing Chucks with galaxy laces; the laces were a gift from Jane. “This is my good buddy Steve,” Tony said, jerking his thumb to the very hot, very blonde guy next to him. The guy was wearing the world’s tighest t-shirt and Darcy guessed he might be Tony’s personal trainer. He was built like a personal trainer or a men’s fitness model.

 

“Hi,” Steve said, beaming at her.

“Steve’s very impressed that you tased Thor,” Tony said.

“I am,” Steve said with a kind of cute earnestness.

“Somebody had to do it,” Darcy said modestly, “we sort of thought he was a drunk frat boy.” Tony laughed; Steve helped Darcy with the equipment as they walked towards the elevator.

“So, Steve, are you Tony’s personal trainer? Impressive,” Darcy asked, gently poking at his bicep. A bicep like that deserved a name. She called Thor’s Thunder and Lightning. Tony burst into laughter.

 

“Uh, actually, I’m, uh--,” Steve began, blushing furiously.

“Steve’s the guy in charge of my Antique Weaponry department, Lewis,” Tony cut in. “We send him all over the world doing field research in how really old weapons work. His specialty is WWII. He’s about to go dig up some old WWII-era Soviet stuff for us, see if we can’t repurpose the technology for good.”

“So, you’re sort of an archaeologist librarian like Rachel Weisz in _The Mummy_? I love that movie,” Darcy said. That only seemed to make Tony laugh harder and Steve blush more.

 

***

 

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Stark, why are you playing a trick on my BFF? Darce thinks Captain America is a librarian?

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I told her he was in charge of the Antique Weaponry Dept., it’s not exactly a lie. I want to see how long he’ll go along with it. He thinks she’s cute. Totally his type. He likes brunettes who enjoy weapons.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** SHUT UP.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** He blushed like a librarian when she poked his bicep. Let’s keep this going. I’ve got Barton and Romanoff in on the bet. Banner is dubious, but he won’t rat us out.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** I do sort of owe her a fun prank. She made me think we were going to a conference once and I wrote a speech and it turned out it was really a date with Thor. I wore heels! I’d never bother with them on a date with Thor. He likes post-dinner laser tag too much.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I’ll let you order any new tech you want?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Deal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I own nothing!


	2. Comrade, I Have Two Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninotchka is an excellent comedy.
> 
> *I own nothing!

Darcy’s first day in their new space was completely bonkers. Tony’s lab had a small explosion--he was working on some new robot that would disarm bombs--so, for reasons, he’d decided it was a good idea to use live IEDs.

 

“It wasn’t any bigger than a firework,” he swore as they stood outside on the sidewalk in the drizzling rain. They’d evacuated the entire building. Tony’s face was all sooty and Jane was sad because some of her readings had gotten wet when the sprinkler system came on. She glared at Tony. Darcy patted her on the shoulder.

 

“Jane doesn’t like interruptions,” Darcy told Tony. “It throws off her Science! mojo.”

“I’ll get her a digital readings tablet?” he offered hopefully. “I made sure they’re waterproof for, uh…”

“Reasons?” Darcy asked.

“Yup,” Tony said, rocking back on his heels. She grinned at him and used the wet wipes from her messenger bag to clean his face. She always kept some handy: Jane tended to get ink on her face when she fell asleep during marathon Science! sessions.

 

“Everybody, ok?” a voice said behind Darcy. Steve was standing there. He had on the cutest librarian guy outfit, Darcy thought: khakis and a plaid shirt. He was holding Captain America’s shield.

“Oh, you get to play with _Captain America’s_ shield at work?” Darcy asked. “I guess it is an antique weapon, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Steve said, smiling. “It’s pretty old.”

“My dad made it,” Tony said, his grin unusually wide, “back when FDR was president and TVs didn’t have color.”

“Actually, that shield’s older than television. I don’t think the TV was invented until after FDR had died,” Darcy said. “I was a poly sci major at Culver, not a Science! scientist, so I always take the history Trivial Pursuit questions.”

Jane piped up: “Isn’t that right, Mr. Librarian?” She looked at Steve.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he said, looking oddly chagrined. Tony seemed to find this really funny for some reason. Darcy guessed there was always a sneaky reason with Tony, but she couldn’t figure out why Jane was grinning, too.

 

Steve looked like he was about to speak, but all of a sudden the skies opened up and Darcy was distracted by people’s sounds of surprise. She’d looked at Jane when she realized that Steve was holding the shield over their heads like an umbrella.

 

“Oh my God, Steve, you can’t use that as an umbrella! What if Captain America gets mad?” Darcy said.

“I don’t think he’ll mind,” Steve said, smiling down at her. “He’d understand when I told him two ladies didn’t have an umbrella with ‘em.”

  
Darcy had heard that Captain America was really chivalrous like that.

 

***

 

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** I thought he was going to tell her today. They looked awfully cozy under that umbrella shield.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** I think he actually _likes_ that she thinks he’s a librarian.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Maybe he thinks it’s a plausible excuse for how he dresses?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** He asked me all kinds of questions about her last night. I encouraged him to ask her out to dinner.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** He had Thor tell him the taser story twice.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** What’s up with the new screen name, Comrade Natasha?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Darcy has introduced me to a delightful film with Greta Garbo. It is streaming on the Starkflix. About a Soviet woman who flees to Paris and becomes a capitalist. I enjoyed it very much.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Ninotchka! It’s great. I wonder if Thor would get the ration jokes?

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Never heard of it.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** It’s from the 1930s. Darcy likes TCM.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Confirmation that she likes old stuff! Excellent.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** This is what I am hoping.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos already!


	3. The Librarians of Desk Set Are Self-Rescuing Princesses, Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce's green tea!
> 
> *I own nothing!

That week, Darcy came back to the lab--she’d been getting coffee--and found Steve leaning against her desk. He was wearing one of those really tight t-shirts again. Later, she would blame that t-shirt for what she did next. “Steve!” she said, delighted. “I’ve got muffins. Did you want one of my muffins?”

Steve’s eyes widened. “Oh, yeah, sure,” he said. “Would love one.” Jane snickered and Steve actually blushed.

“Jane,” Darcy said, “stop trying to corrupt the nice man with your dirty jokes. I’m sure that’s not allowed in library school.” To Thor’s delight, Jane was secretly really good at dirty jokes; she’d had Sif teach her a bunch of really crude, insulting ones about Loki once. Chiefly involving his horse. Darcy had blocked them out. Asgardians were super bawdy. Like Elizabethan England, really. Or Chaucer. Maybe it was the clothes and the mead?

“What do they teach you in library school?” Jane asked a trifle too innocently. Darcy hoped there were no jokes on Asgard about Loki romancing his books.

“Cataloguing?” Steve said, making it sound like a question. He was clearly still thrown by Jane’s snicker, Darcy thought. It was kind of sweet.

 

After she’d passed out food and drink--Steve had taken one of her muffins without making it awkward, thankyouverymuchJane--he cleared his throat. “Actually,” he said, I’m here to bring you something. I, uh, have these.”

Darcy literally squealed. He’d had _Captain America_ autograph some things for her Dad and James. “Oh. My. God. How did you talk him into doing this? When did you talk him into doing this?” she asked.

“It really wasn’t that hard,” Steve said. “Not a big deal.”

“No, it will be a totally big deal to my dad. He’s like a Cap Superfan, like Agent iPod Thief, you know, Phil Coulson?” Steve grinned at that; they did know each other, she thought, they probably bought khakis from the same Avengers-adjacent nice, normal guys store or something. ”I haven’t even met him yet! I heard Captain America was off on a super-secret mission in Europe,” Darcy said.

Steve sighed and his smile dimmed a little. “Yeah, I think that mission’ll be soon. I’m actually going to help with that Soviet weapons thing Tony, uh, mentioned in a few days,” he said.

“The WWII thing?” Darcy asked. “Field work?”

“Uh-huh,” Steve said. “I was hoping, you’d have dinner with me before I left?”

“I’d love to,” she said. He beamed. “When?”

“Tomorrow at 7?” he asked.

“Sounds great,” she said. Darcy was looking at the Captain America stuff on her desk when she saw the extra cup. “Oh, shoot, I got distracted,” she said.

“What?” Steve asked.

“Bruce’s green tea!” she said, hurrying out of the room.

 

***

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** He asked her to dinner. They’re going tomorrow.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** So, he told her?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Nope. She still thinks she’s going to dinner with her favorite librarian. Or guy librarian.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Yes, her favorite librarian is technically Katharine Hepburn in _Desk Set._ We watched it yesterday.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Not Jimmy Stewart’s wife in the Christmas movie?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Not unless there’s a deleted scene where Mary tases George Bailey.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** I have never believed that she would not. Original Mary was a very strong woman; she was failed by the writers in the alternative scene.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Yeah, Mary had that thing Cap’s always saying Pep’s got? It’s an M-word? Old school?

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Moxie.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** That’s it.

  
  


***

 

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Jane asked Steve, after he sighed when Darcy had left the room. “I don’t think she’ll mind. And we know her parents will like you.”

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s just that she treats me like I’m normal. Not Captain America. I kinda like it, you know? First time anyone’s treated me like a regular guy since about 1941 or so.”

“Oh, Steve,” Jane said softly. He reached into a pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“Lemme show you something,” he said, handing something to Jane. It was an old black and white photograph of a very skinny man whose head looked too big for his slight shoulders. The picture was that old, stiff material, too. It was stamped 1940 at the top.

“Aww, who’s this? A relative?” she asked. The man had a soft expression.

“That’s me,” Steve said. “Before the serum, I was 5’4 and 98 lbs soaking wet.”

“Wow,” Jane said. “I wouldn’t even recognize you, honestly. Sorry, I don’t mean that to be rude.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. Nobody ever does. I had really bad asthma,” Steve said, chuckling. “So, I don’t think that guy would have made it as an archaeologist. Too much dirt. But he might have ended up a librarian.”

“Really?” Jane asked.  
  
“I was in art school before the war, Jane. Always liked the public library, too,” he said. “We didn’t have a lot of money then, so I went a lot.”

“ _Captain America_ was in art school?” Jane asked.

“See?” he said. “I’m enjoying this librarian thing.”  

“How did you know about cataloguing?” Jane asked curiously,

“There was a real nice librarian who let me hang around while they did my Smithsonian exhibit,” he admitted. “Very impressive lady. Had a PhD in archival work.”

“Steve, she better never find out you’ve been impersonating a librarian under false pretenses,” Jane said sternly.

“No, ma’am,” Steve said, shaking his head. “She’d be so disappointed.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the lovely comments & kudos!


	4. Vanilla and Myrna Loy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First dates
> 
> *I own nothing.

Darcy and Jane went to the LUSH store on the same afternoon that Steve asked her out. Darcy had a weird superstition about fresh starts in relationships: she tried to buy a new perfume or lotion when she was really interested in someone. That way, she had a happy ritual before first dates she actually cared about--helps with nervousness--and she wasn’t still wearing the same perfume she’d worn at seventeen, when her boyfriend Michael Fieldman had slept with one of her friends. 

“ _ Quel _ rat,” Darcy muttered to herself as she browsed, thinking of Michael and Lauren Jones.  _ Breakfast at Tiffany’s  _ was a super-problematic movie on several levels, but ‘quel rat’ retained its utility forever.

“What about this one?” Jane asked from a nearby display. “Jasmine and ylang-ylang,” she said, holding up a square bottle and a paper blotter. She liked accompanying Darcy on the pre-first date shopping trip.

“What is ylang-ylang?” Darcy asked curiously.

“I have absolutely no idea, but it smells really pretty?” Jane said. Darcy leaned in and sniffed the test strip. It smelled like a breezy, fresh garden.

“It does, but I think you should get that one if you like it, I have a feeling Thor will like it, too,” she told Jane. She’d caught him smelling the flowers on one of Tony’s balconies the other day, like some sort of human Ferdinand the Bull. It had been super cute.

 

She had something different in mind for Steve, so they went to another store. “This is it,” she declared to Jane finally, holding a rectangular bottle. “I read a review online that made me curious.”

“That’s it?” Jane asked. They were in a drugstore.

“It’s perfect,” she said. “Also, cheap. My two favorite things in a first date product.”

Jane looked at it dubiously. She sniffed. “Marshmallows? It is old-fashioned,” she said, brightening. “Steve’s kinda old-fashioned.”

“Exactly,” Darcy said. She had a feeling that a guy who wore plaid and complimented her on her red lipstick while using Captain America’s shield as a umbrella wouldn’t mind a little old-fashioned sweetness.

 

***

 

When he met her in the lobby the next night, he hugged her. “Gee, Darce, you smell nice,” he said seriously. “That’s new. Vanilla.”

“How’d you know?” she asked him, as they walked to the restaurant.

“I have a pretty good sense of smell,” he said. “Reminds me of Coney Island.”

“I’ve never been,” she said. “What’s it like?”

“I went once when I was young,” he said, grinning, “and I threw up on the Cyclone.” She laughed.

“Did you have a good time?” she asked.

“The best,” he said. “You should see it, all lit up at night against the ocean. The cotton candy and funnel cakes make the air smell sweet and the ocean air is a little salty, like…” he trailed off.

“Like skin?” she offered. He gave her a significant look. It involved raised eyebrows and a certain mischievous quality. The librarian had a touch of naughty in him, after all.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to kiss you before dinner,” he said.

“We could possibly make an exception to the rule,” she admitted.

 

She considered it lucky that he was a little too big a man to be heckled in New York City for kissing on the sidewalk. Also, it was very charming when he let her wipe her red lipstick off his mouth at the restaurant without complaint.

 

“So, what do you like to do besides work?” she asked him. She got the impression he enjoyed his job, though sometimes things exploded unexpectedly. He led her to believe that happened more often when Tony was around.

“I really like old movies,” he said. Almost too quickly.

“Has someone told you I like old movies?” she said, laughing.

“Nat,” he admitted. “But I do like them. I, uh, grew up with them, so I still like them now.”

“Was your mom an old movie fan?” she asked. He’d mentioned being raised by a single mother.

“She really liked Jean Harlow, actually. Which is kinda funny, because she was a pretty strict Catholic,” Steve said. “And Myrna Loy, but that’s less surprising. Who doesn’t like Myrna Loy?”

“America’s favorite wife,” Darcy said. “I can’t watch  _ The Best Years of Our Lives  _ without crying. Did you know the actor with the prosthetic metal hands was a real WWII veteran? He was basically playing himself.”

“I only ever watched that once,” Steve said, frowning. “Tony thought I’d like because of, uh, the WWII thing, but whenever that drunk insults him and says Hitler had the right idea, it makes me upset.”

“Awww, Steve,” she said. “Your disapproving face is very cute.”

“Is it?” he said, looking delighted.

“Please never aim it at me,” she said. He laughed. Then he told her that he also liked to draw sometimes, though he was a little rusty.

“Haven’t had time for an art class in quite a while,” he said.

  
***

 

**Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Has she said anything to you about the date? He is positively beaming.

**Iowa Farm Boy:** Told me he’d kissed her on the sidewalk. Twice.

**Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** She’s all distracted today. Her coffee cup has been empty for fifteen minutes and she hasn’t even noticed.

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I’ll check the exterior camera feeds.

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Oh, we’re so putting this on the quinjets and the digital screens. I’m gonna have Jarvis sync it to his location, so he sees it everywhere. [video footage]

**Iowa Farm Boy:** Is that tongue?

**Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Has he told her?

**Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Nuh-uh. She’s dating Captain America and she has no idea. He’s taking her out again tomorrow before he leaves.

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Where are they going?

**Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** A museum thing.

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** It’s definitely tongue. Which museum? Art exhibit?

**Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** He won’t tell her.

**Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** It is an exhibit of costumes from 20th Century Fox films. I have found it for him. They have several dresses worn by Marilyn Monroe. [link]

**Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** She is going to freak out. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the sweet comments and kudos! Y'all are fantastic!
> 
> (Darcy is wearing Outremer's Vanille Eau de Toilette, if you are curious)


	5. Polka Dots & Marilyn Monroe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second Dates...
> 
> *I own nothing

On their second date, she discovered Steve had a bike. Also, a blue jacket that made him look like James-freaking-Dean, even from behind. “Heaven help me,” she said to herself as she walked towards him the garage. She could have sworn he grinned in response, but that was impossible. No one could have heard that from thirty feet away, right? Especially if they weren’t facing you?

 

The surprise exhibit that Steve took her to was wonderful. She freaked out a little when they got there. He seemed to find it charming, not weird. “You don’t understand,” she said, “for years I have been deprived of the magic that is New York City because I was stuck in the middle of nowhere.”

“The magic of New York City?” he asked.

“You don’t think the city is magical?” she asked.

“I’m partial to Brooklyn,” he said. He’d told her he’d grown up there.

 

They were standing in front of the red dresses that Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell had worn in the opening number of _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes._

“These are incredible,” Darcy said. “It says here”--Steve had grabbed a brochure for her--”that they had to order special lucite forms for Marilyn’s clothes, she was so voluptuous. Can you imagine?” she asked him.

He gave her a slightly wicked look again. “I might could, doll. Don’t know that all gentlemen prefer blondes, though,” he said.

“Doll?” she said, feeling herself blush. How did someone look so innocent and so knowing at the same time? What had he seen in his life drawing classes, exactly?

“Something in the atmosphere,” he said, putting an arm around her. He was always so warm. “You’d look great in that, too.” He pointed to a polka dot dress. “Who’s is that?”

“Another Marilyn. _The Seven Year Itch._ That’s the one she wore when she moved in onscreen. You haven’t seen it? I happen to own that movie,” she said. He shook his head.

“Third date? After I get back?” he asked.

“Your place or mine?” she asked him.

“Yours, I think,” he said. She missed the worried expression that crossed his face for a second. He didn’t want to tell her exactly which floor of the tower he lived on.

“Maybe Tony would let us use the Avengers common room? You really should see that movie on a big screen,” Darcy said. “You’re friends with Nat, too, right?”

“I’m sure she could arrange something,” he said. He’d told her that he’d worked for SHIELD before the whole DC mess; he seemed to know everybody and they were always so polite to him. She’d teased him that it was because everyone wanted to be friends with the best-looking man in the Tower, but she suspected it was partly because he was so polite himself. He opened doors and was very old-fashioned when it came to manners.

 

At dinner that night, they talked about their favorite books. He confessed a certain fondness for Fitzgerald. “I read it when I was overseas,” he said. “Had a battered old paperback that me and Bucky used to pass back and forth. That part at the end about boats in the current always makes me think of him.”

“Your friend from the military?” she asked. They’d talked a little about him being a vet, but she didn’t want to pry. Sometimes, he talked like it was years ago, other times like it was more recent.

“We knew each other growing up. He was my best friend. Almost enlisted together,” he said. “Only he was a bit fitter than me then.”

“How could anyone be in better shape than you, Steve?” she asked, incredulously.

“Well, doll, I might have gotten in shape so the military would take me,” he said. “They had their doubts at first.”

“You started working out?” she said.

“I would have done anything to serve, I thought it was so important,” he said seriously. She nodded; a lot of men and women had felt that way in the years after 9/11.

“Where’s Bucky living now?” she asked.

“Over in Europe. We lost touch for awhile. He disappeared. Thought I’d never see him again. He was in a bad place and I didn’t know until recently. I’m hoping we get to see each other soon,” Steve said seriously. “If I’m lucky, I’ll get to see him on this trip. If not, I’ll keep trying to catch up with him.”

“I hope you get to see him soon,” she said sincerely.

“Me, too,” Steve said softly.

 

Changing the subject, he asked her about her favorite books. When she confessed that she loved old mystery novels by Agatha Christie, he’d grinned at her. “I’ve read some of those. I read Dorothy L. Sayers when I was a kid, too,” he said.

“Oh, I love the Peter and Harriet ones,” she said.

“Always liked Harriet Vane a little better than Lord Peter, actually. She was a straight shooter. He’s a bit fancy. Knew a British guy in the service named Monty who was a little bit like that.”

“Really?” she said. “I didn’t think they made those anymore.”

“Only at Eton nowadays, I hear,” he said, grinning. “Bucky’s little sister, Becky, she used to get all the mysteries from the library and I would swipe hers when I was home sick. What was your favorite Christie?”

“I have a secret fondness for _The Sittaford Mystery._ It’s one of her stand-alones. The protagonist is this spunky girl named Emily Trefusis,” she said. “She saves the day.”

“I haven’t read that one,” he said. “Does she tase somebody?”

“No, but only because tasers hadn’t been invented yet. I’ll loan you mine.”

"Brunette?" he asked.

"Of course," she said.

"I knew it."

 

***

  
  
It was a clear night. “I can’t believe you weren’t eligible for service at first,” she told him as they walked home. She squeezed his arm. “I mean, look at your biceps now.”

“I found the right doctor, helped me with my medical issues. Got lucky,” he said. “The hard work came later, when I actually joined my unit.” He grinned at her. It was a cute grin. “You like my biceps, doll?”

“I think we should name the gun show,” she joked. He thought it was funny, once she’d explained gun show to him. He’d never heard that one. He wanted patriotic names for them. “What like ‘Eagle’?” she asked.

“I dunno, something as cool as Thor’s Thunder and Lightning,” he said. “They fit him real well. I might be jealous.”

“I think you should call one Library of Congress and the other Dewey Decimal, Mr. Librarian,” she said. That seemed to make him laugh. “What?” she asked.

“Acquisitions and Collection Management, maybe,” he said. “Cause I’ve put a lot of weird things in more secure locations.”

She thought his joke about crawling into a tank and trying out some vita-rays to get in shape was pretty cute, too. She’d seen ads for all kinds of weird holistic therapies in New Mexico. The desert was full of hippies.

 

***

 

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** She is practically levitating. She baked red velvet cupcakes last night at midnight, she had so much energy.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** He still has not told her. I was not aware Captain America could lie so adroitly. It makes me question many things.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** He’s totally the one who ate your Russian pastries that time.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** I do not believe you. Someone had been in the vents above.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** I tried.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I think he can do lies of omission.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I’m 89% sure.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Any cupcakes left?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Come down to the lab before you leave with him. You can finally meet her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best! I love all your sweet comments and kudos!


	6. Red Velvet Cupcakes & Howard Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild Clint appears. With his boots on. 
> 
> *I own nothing

Steve came to the lab to see her before he left for Eastern Europe and asked if he could speak to her alone. They went to one of the little tucked away seating areas in the Tower.

 

“Darce, there’s something, well, I ought to tell you,” he said, looking reluctant.

“Uh-oh, that’s not a happy face, Steve,” Darcy told him.

“I don’t know how to explain it right,” he said, putting his hands on either side of her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb. He looked at her intently.

“This isn’t a bad way to start,” Darcy said, blushing furiously at the warmth of his touch.

“Can I just say that my job’s maybe a little more dangerous than I let on?” he asked tentatively. “The field work part, anyway.”

“I sort of guessed that already,” she said.

“You did?” he said, beaming at her. He looked expectant. “You know?” he asked.

“Well, first you were in the military, then you were with SHIELD, now you work with Tony and there are explosions? I’m going to say you’re an archivist in kinda the same way I was an intern when aliens rained from the sky,” she said. His expression shifted slightly.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I just--I--well, you know, there’s this expectation when you tell people what you do, you know? They imagine that I’ll be something different from what I am. Not a skinny artist from Brooklyn underneath all this.” He gestured to his torso with one hand and then put it back her face immediately. He looked sad.

“They think you’ll be macho?” she asked in a gentle tone.

“Something like that. But I didn’t join up because I wanted to be the most intimidating guy. I hate bullies. I got beat up so many times as a kid. I don’t even like guns,” he said, chuckling a little.

“You wanted to help people,” she said firmly.

“How’d you know that?” he asked.

“It’s that little way you have of practically bolting for a door when you see someone struggling to open it. Also, the other night, you helped that lady carry her groceries for five blocks on our way back,” she said, smiling at him.

“Mrs. Petrovich looked tired. I was worried she might fall,” he said. “Those were a lot of groceries, too.”

“You are the cutest man, Steve. I may have to fight Mrs. Petrovich for you,” she said.

“I dunno if it’ll need to come to that,” he said. “I might have an opinion about which lady I’d like to win that one.”

 

He walked her back to lab and kissed her goodbye. “I’ll call tonight,” he said.

“I’ll be there,” she said, stroking his flannel-covered collarbones softly. He was quite a bit taller than her, but he leaned gently into her touch.

“Miss you already,” he said with a grin. “Looking forward to that third date, too.” He winked and then disappeared down the hallway. She watched his broad shoulders move away.

 

***

 

She was so blissfully distracted that she only screamed at half-volume when the guy dropped from the vents. “What the hell?” she yelled.

“Hey there, Itty Bitty,” he said, “I’m Clint.” He shook her hand. He had a calloused, comfortable grip.

“You remember him from New Mexico, right?” Jane said. “He’s Hawkeye.”

“The arrow dude?” Darcy said. “You were in New Mexico, too?”

“You may not recognize me,” he said, smiling, “Coulson always made me wear sleeves.”

 

Arrow Dude--that was what Darcy had already nicknamed him mentally--had on a rocking pair of cowboy boots. He sort of had a cowboy thing more generally. She could appreciate that. She traded him some red velvet cupcakes for an impromptu line dancing lesson. She’d always wanted to learn.

 

“So,” he said, “you wanna watch us leave in a few?”

“You’re going to Europe with Steve for the Soviet thing?” she said.

“This time, yeah,” he said. “Me and Nat. We got a small Avengers mission and then we’re tagging along to help him out for a week. Nat knows something about what he’s looking for.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Jane said quietly. “Wouldn’t want us to get in the way of the quinjet.” She looked at Clint sternly.

“Oh, c’mon, now,” he said.

“I want to go. Janey let’s go,” Darcy said.

“He is a bad influence,” Jane said, as he departed up through the vents. He’d given them directions to head to the roof in exactly fifteen minutes.

 

When they arrived, the quinjet was already running. Clint and Nat said goodbye to them and loped up the ramp, looking impossibly cool. “I don’t see Steve,” Darcy said. At the last second, Darcy glimpsed a familiar figure: Captain America came to stand on the edge of the rampway, shield in hand. He was wearing his uniform.

“He looks just like he does on television,” Darcy said, inhaling. It was a lot like the time she’d seen a famous actor filming a movie on the Culver campus and she’d realized his eyes were that blue in real life. Captain America really was that starred and spangly. The A on his blue mask glinted in the sun. When he spotted them a second before the ramp swung shut, he visibly brightened and actually waved.

 

“Janey, I think Captain America recognized you!” Darcy said, when they were back in the lab. “I didn’t know he could smile like that. He always looks so serious on the posters and the school videos.”

 

Jane seemed to find that particularly hilarious.

 

***

 

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** She believes that you recognized Jane.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Why have you not told her?

 **Man Out of Time:** I’m having trouble. I thought she knew for a minute, but she just guessed my “library” work’s risky.

 **Man Out of Time:** How do I tell her I’d rather be her Steve than Captain America? That’s how I feel.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** I’d lead with that, Cap.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** You think Pep would believe me if I told her that I’d rather be her Tony than Iron Man?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** No, I do not.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Just don’t mess this up. I like her. Her cupcakes are really good. I taught her some line dancing moves.

 **Man Out of Time:** Wish I coulda seen that.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I have video! [video link]

 **Man Out of Time:** I just don’t want her to find out and then be unhappy. Or for people to bother her. People get that weird gleam when they find out I’m him. That rich guy at Tony’s last party talked my ear off for an hour about the Queen being a lizard? Or they start asking me if the moon landing really happened or if I knew Elvis? What if she hates that? What if she wants a regular guy?

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I think that was just the cocaine talking, Cap. If it’s the guy I’m thinking of.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** We’ve met your old frat brothers, Tony, that’s lots of guys you could be thinking of.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** It has always baffled me that Howard thought his thirteen year old son should be in a fraternity.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** He met most of his friends--just not you, Cap--when he was drunk or in bed with a stranger? Happy says he thinks he didn’t want me to be lonely in college.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the lovely feedback!
> 
> *I once saw John Travolta up close because he was in my town filming a movie. His eyes *are* that blue IRL. They're very pretty.


	7. Pen Pals & Ernst Lubitsch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, Darcy recommends it
> 
> *I own nothing

After Steve and roughly half the Avengers left, Jane and Darcy decided to throw themselves a little viewing party in the big Avengers common room. Darcy needed to stay awake until Steve called and Jane thought she might be sad if she was unoccupied. They figured they would be safe with most people gone.

“We will be in nobody’s way in that part of the house,” Jane said, doing her best Lady Catherine. She was pitching a _Pride & Prejudice _ marathon. They’d invited Bruce Banner, Darcy’s favorite rumpled Science! Guy and all-around sweetie.  

“What Austen adaptation are we watching?” Bruce asked.

“1995 or 2005?” Darcy asked Jane.

“1995, of course,” Jane said. “There is no other adaptation.” She was a _P &P _ traditionalist.

“I dunno,” Darcy said, treading carefully into an old argument, “I sort of like the way the Keira Knightley version makes Mr. Collins shy and awkward, rather than a completely repulsive jerk.”

“Really?” Bruce said, looking at her curiously.

“Yes, I feel like he’s actually capable of love,” she said, “so Charlotte might be okay and not trapped in a loveless marriage forever. Unless she’s gay and really in love with Lizzy, which is my other theory.”

“She wrote a seminar paper about that at Culver,” Jane said. “It’s very convincing, when you start thinking about it.”

“Huh,” Bruce said, thinking back. He’d had a girlfriend who’d been a big Austen fan once, so he’d seen _Pride & Prejudice _lots, as it turned out. Darcy vetoed all Austen on the grounds that everyone had seen it.

Thor was definitely in, no matter what they watched; he really loved popcorn and would go to anything where it was served. He’d even sat through a baseball game in New Mexico, happily chomping away, even though he complained later (“My Lightning Sister,” he’d said, clearly perplexed, “how is this a sport? There is no valiant combat.” He’d been much happier when they took him to a rugby game and there was a fight in the field once. He’d applauded--as soon as the police broke things up).

The rugby story gave Darcy an idea. “Jane, you were on a Science! Bender when I started watching season two of _Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries_ \--there’s a rugby murder episode, it’s Australian, Bruce--let’s watch that?” she suggested. 

Thor was all for this, believing Miss Fisher to be a valiant lady warrior on behalf of the downtrodden, Jane was very into the whole Phryne-Jack UST situation, and Bruce was too easy-going to object to anything (he would’ve watched _P &P _ again to study the Charlotte subtext thing, he told Darcy later). Tony wandered by and plopped down on the sofa.

“What am I watching?” he asked.

“Flapper lady detective in 1920s Australia, you’d like her,” Jane said.

“Yes,” Darcy said, “she’s basically a female James Bond, she’s very rich, so she does what she wants, and she’s irresistible to the opposite sex.”

“A female me,” Tony said happily. A few minutes later, he said aloud, “this stern yet smoldering cop guy is definitely a male Pep, too. They’re totally into one another when Guy Pep is scolding her all the time.”

 

***

  
“Jane, should I get bangs?” Darcy asked her in the lab the next day. She was a little tired from staying up half the night on the phone with Steve. They’d had a lovely conversation. It turned out he liked Barbara Stanwyck movies, too. He’d sent her photos of Budapest at night.

“You always ask me that when you’re tired or after we watch _Miss Fisher._ Do I need to get the contract?” Jane asked.

“Contract?” Bruce asked from his chair. He was visiting them to Science! with Jane today.

“She loves really bold, retro bangs on everyone else, but she hates them on her face, so after the Great Bettie Page Disaster of 2011, we drew up a sworn contract about it. I get veto-power over any bangs situation,” Jane informed him.

To Darcy, she said, “you can get angled bangs or the Brigitte Bardot ones. No Miss Fisher. And definitely no Claudette Colbert in those _Cleopatra_ stills again.”

“Maybe if I just went to a fancier salon?” Darcy offered hopefully.

“You cried for a week whenever you passed a mirror,” Jane said sternly. “Or any mirrored surface.”

“I did scare that lady when I burst into tears in that elevator,” Darcy admitted.

Bruce laughed. “Jane, can I put you in charge of my hair, too? I may have gotten a really unfortunate Caesar cut once, trying to look like George Clooney.”

“Of course!” Jane said. They both loved Bruce. Darcy, having picked up some new vocab from Steve, patted him on the head.

“She’ll keep you out of trouble, doll,” she said.

He actually blushed.

During her afternoon coffee excursion, she ran into Tony and Maria Hill. Hill was the new HR director for Stark Industries. That gave Darcy an idea. “Do you have an email address for Captain America?” Darcy asked.

Hill looked at her blankly. “Don’t you have that already?” she asked Darcy quizzically. Tony elbowed her.

“Darcy hasn’t met Cap yet,” he said.

“I did see him leaving on the quinjet once. He waved at Jane,” Darcy said. “My boyfriend Steve got him to autograph some things, so I really should send a thank you note.”

“Your boyfriend Steve?” Hill said slowly.

“Oh, you know Steve,” Tony said, “tall, blonde, muscley? He runs the Antique Weapons division. He’s in Europe now.”

“Steve Grant?” Darcy prompted helpfully.

Hill stared at both of them.

“I’ve got Cap’s email, Itty Bitty,” Tony told Darcy, handing her a card after he’d written something on the back.

“Thanks,Tony, you’re the best,” Darcy said happily, heading off for coffee.

 

“The Antique Weapons division,” Hill said, looking at Tony carefully. He winked.

“She has absolutely no idea,” he said. “He’s crazy about her. Wants to be just Steve for a bit. He’s afraid the weirdness will scare her off.”

Maria Hill--having received emails from two dead-but-not-dead SHIELD officials that morning--could understand that. Only later did she reflect that the girl who tased Thor and sent Phil exactly 317 emails about her missing iPod might have a pretty high tolerance for weird.

The email address was a public one for Captain America’s fan mail. Darcy dashed off a quick, but hopefully polite note thanking him for being so nice and included a photo of her beaming dad and brother. She hadn’t been able to wait until Christmas to see them that happy. She also mentioned that he might know Jane and her Steve and that she was in his debt and could finagle them into helping out with portals or antique weaponry or whatever. Her skill set leaned more towards pop culture, she said, so she could fetch him coffee, too. She doubted that she’d hear from him--he had to get thousands of emails, there was probably an assistant somewhere--but it seemed only polite to offer.

 

***

 

“When are they going to kiss? Kiss already!” Tony was yelling at the screen. They had resumed _Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries._ The unresolved sexual tension between Flapper Tony and Cop Pep was making him a little impatient. While they watched, Darcy checked her messages. In her email inbox was a copy of a notarized bangs contract from Jane (Jane: “pre-approved photos/diagrams for hairstylist attached”) and an email from _Captain America_ himself. 

“Janey, Captain America responded to my thank you note!” she said.

“What?” Jane said. Bruce looked at her, then Tony, then Darcy, and back again.

“You’re kidding,” Tony said.

“He’s very polite,” Darcy said. “If I bit formal. Oh, how cute, at the end he asks if I’ll be his pop culture pen pal. He doesn’t know what a meme is.”

 

***

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** You asked her to be your pen pal?!

 **Man Out of Time:** She was putting herself down, saying she was only good for fetching me coffee? I said I could have really used that kind of help with pop culture references when I got out of the ice.

 **Man Out of Time:** I could, actually. It took me weeks before I could follow half of what you said, Tony. Used to get the worst headaches. She sent me a nice note explaining what a meme is?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** I cannot believe you have made this situation more complicated.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** He _You’ve Got Mail_ ’d her? On purpose?

**Iowa Farm Boy: hahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahaahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahhaha**

**Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** More accurately, this is a screwball comedy. We are living in an Ernst Lubitsch film. I fully expect that you will offer to be Tony’s butler as Steve Grant and then need to change into your uniform during the soup course.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** You can totally buttle for me, Steve. Be a hit at parties.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Buttle?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** It is the verb for being a butler. I find it reassuring that she compliments you so effusively to Captain America, Steve. She seems to think her Steve Grant could help you adjust to modern life and that you might go sightsee in Budapest together? 

 **Man Out of Time:** Did you just hack my email?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** It is adorable when she refers to him as "two sailors on shore leave, like Bob Hope and Bing Crosby," is it not? 

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** That is hilarious. She’s setting you up with you for a playdate!

**Iowa Farm Boy: hahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahaahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahhaha**

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Hey, have any of you seen _Miss Fisher?_ Do they ever kiss? I’m dying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind comments. This story is so fun to write!


	8. Chinese Food & Bill Bryson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another list
> 
> *I own nothing

Darcy Lewis’s List of Potential Date Ideas With Steve Grant, with add’l. Jane commentary and notes 

 

  * Pink Martini concert in the park? Steve likes WWII-era music like Glenn Miller & Tommy Dorsey; world-music big band not too big of a stretch for him.  

  * Coney Island? Definite yes.  

  * Screening of an old movie? Always wanted to see something from the 1930s in an actual movie theater. Bet Steve does, too.  

  * Pepper suggests art museum, but which one? Guggenheim? Met? Want to avoid anything creepy. (Jane: “Remember when we got lost in the Louvre with Thor and there were all those paintings of John the Baptist’s head on a plate in that one section?” Darcy: “Exactly what I want to avoid.”)  

  * Tony offered to get Le Cirque reservations. Very sweet but Steve doesn’t seem like a fancy French restaurant guy? Neither am I. I say no. (Jane: “Extra no, they’d only serve him tiny portions;” Darcy: “He eats like a horse and never gains weight! It’s so unfair.”)



  


“Okay, I’m crossing off those last two,” Darcy announced to Jane as they worked in the lab. “Too stuffy and/or potentially involving portraits of saints being murdered gruesomely. But remind me to change Clint’s avatar to Saint Sebastian sometime as a prank, he’d think it was cool.”

“I think that is wise,” Jane said, looking up from her notes. “You shouldn’t stress too much. Steve would be happy with something off a food truck and hanging out with you in Central Park.”

“You are so right, he’d probably be happy with Italian or Chinese and sketching,” Darcy said.

“He’s like Thor that way about food, honestly,” Jane said.

“Remember how happy Thor was when we got him Animal Crackers?” Darcy said, laughing. “I used that picture of him as my screensaver for months.”

“My mom still has it on her fridge,” Jane said. "She shows it to everybody."

“Did I tell you Steve actually likes old music, too? Last night we listened to the same Billie Holiday song on the phone,” Darcy said, sighing. “Janey, I think he might be perfect.” Jane laughed.

 

“Did I hear someone talking about me?” Tony said, sticking his head through the door suddenly. “Someone said perfect?”

“Hey, Tony, you’re good at tech. Captain America just emailed me asking how to download an audiobook. What’s the best way to explain how to work StarkBooks?” Darcy asked him.

“Cap’s still asking you for advice on living in the present?” Tony said, grinning.

“Don’t laugh at the poor old man-slash-national hero,” Darcy said, “thank God he has my Steve to help him. You people are just mean.”

 

Tony seemed to think this was funny. Even Jane giggled.

“I’ll get Cap a tutorial,” Tony said finally, after he’d quit laughing.

 

***

 

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Still doing the _You’ve Got Mail_?

**Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** I think he is just using it as a pretext to talk to her twice as much.

**Man Out of Time:** I plead the fifth.

**Man Out of Time:** It was awkward when she suggested I get her Steve on a conference call, so he could explain my audiobooks question. I told her he was getting lunch. But we finally figured it out by email.

**Man Out of Time:** I really like this Bill Bryson guy.

**Iowa Farm Boy:** If this is _You’ve Got Mail,_ can I be Dave Chappelle?

**Falconine 1-1:** If anyone is going to be Dave Chappelle, it’s me.

**Iowa Farm Boy:** Doesn’t he live in Iowa now?

  
  
***

 

**Man Out of Time:** I love the books you recommended before I left. Nat took away my Bill Bryson; she said I was laughing too loud. I had to switch to the Agatha Raisin.

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** The Appalachian Trail one? I’m really surprised you haven’t read him before.

**Man Out of Time:** This was the Australia one. Tony says you’ve got an Australian show going I’ll like, too?

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Oh em gee, you’re gonna love Miss Fisher, Steve. Total sassy brunette.

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Also, I helped _Captain America_ read an audiobook today. Do I get a library gold star?

**Man Out of Time:** All of them, doll. I’m worried about Agatha Raisin, though, she’s gonna get her heart broken the way she keeps falling for these terrible men.

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** I know! I think she and Charles belong together, but I’ve given up on her realizing it. There’s a really good show of that, too! But they made Agatha younger. And glamorously blonde.

**Man Out of Time:** Pshaw. She’s not meant to be all flash. She has moxie.

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** How would you feel about a concert instead of that Marilyn movie when you get back?

**Man Out of Time:** Just name the day and the place, I’ll be there, doll.

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** I can SO tell you’ve been hanging out with Cap this week.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are the best! Thanks for all the sweet comments.


	9. Pink Martini & Pin Curls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 3rd Date
> 
> *I own nothing

Steve called her to say they were headed home; he sounded a little tired. “We still haven’t sorted out this Winter Soldier thing,” he told her.

“Did you at least get to see Bucky?” she asked.

“No,” he said sadly. “Not yet.”

She managed to get concert tickets for the day after everyone got back. Steve brightened up when he heard that.

**  
*****

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Where are they going tonight? She looked cute.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Pink Martini show. Her favorite band. I think he’ll recognize it as music.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Did he ask for the Rita Hayworth hair deal?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** No, that was all her! It’s so cute. She ordered this book called _Art Deco Hair_ and we practiced finger waves and pin curls while he was gone. They’re really difficult. I hope it still looks nice. We spent thirty minutes trying to make it look right.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Oooh, she’s going all out. Third date, right? [wink emoji]

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** He has told me he will want to wait until she knows who he really is.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Awww, no.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Don’t forget the party. My feelings will be hurt if you don’t show and at least drink some of my booze.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Jane.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I’m talking to you.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** You know how fancy parties make me irritable. Darcy’s always afraid she’ll spill a drink on somebody wearing the equivalent of her college tuition, too.

***

 

She was delighted when Steve loved the Pink Martini concert. He even joined the audience participation-allowed conga line with her at the end of the show and they danced out into the audience to the sounds of “Brazil.” His enthusiasm was pretty infectious. Also, he really seemed to like her hair. Jane would be happy. She’d helped a lot.

“Jeez, that was fun,” he said to her as they walked home, “I liked that music. What was that singer’s name?”

“That was China Forbes, but I went with Jane to a holiday concert once a few years ago where Storm Large was their lead singer. And--you’ll love this, Mr. Antiques Librarian--they had a guy at that show who was in his nineties and had played with Sinatra and a bunch of other people. Norman Leyden. He’s since passed away, but he played the clarinet.” She looked at her phone and pressed a few buttons.

“Oh my gosh, how nifty!” she said, using a Steve word.

“What?” he asked.

“It says he co-wrote the song, “I Sustain the Wings” with Glenn Miller, too,” she said. “The big band guy.” She put away her phone again.

“The theme song for the radio show _I Sustain The Wings_?” Steve asked. “I’ve heard of that,” he said softly.

“What is it?” she asked him. “They just mentioned Sinatra and some other people he'd played with at the concert.”

“It was sort of an Air Force song during the war. The Latin for "Sustain the Wings" is an Air Force Training Command motto. Sometimes, it gets translated as "Keep 'Em Flying," too. Miller used that song as his opening theme song for a whole show he had on NBC radio during the war. He had another radio show that they broadcast for all the soldiers in Germany, too. You heard the guy who co-wrote that song play in person?”

“Yup,” she said, smiling. “I didn’t know it until just now, but I did.” He looked suddenly all soft and, well, funny, like he might cry. “Steve? What’s wrong?” she asked.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her very gently. When he pulled away, he sighed. “WWII just got really close when you said that. Sometimes it feels so far away and then something will make it seem closer. Like time just folds up. Jane could probably explain it better. I can’t believe you saw a guy play who was buddies with Glenn Miller,” he said. “And we just found out together. It’s special. I--,” he began.

“Well, I can find you a clip, honey, if you want to see him, too. Please don’t cry,” she said. “You should see it. There he was, all of ninety-three and flirting with the lead singer during the show. She was about my age.” That seemed to make him laugh and cheer up again. Whatever had been bothering him floated away, like soap bubbles in the air.

 

***

 

“I, uh, have a work thing planned the same night as that party,” Steve told her at her apartment door. He’d walked her up. “I’m really sorry. Won’t be at Tony’s big party in a tux.” He sighed.

“I was just going to pop in for a sec, anyway,” she said. “They aren’t my thing.”

“Really?” he said, brightening. “I’ve never enjoyed ‘em much either.”

“I’ll teach you to sneak out,” she promised.

He beamed. “I’d like that. They’re awful.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you came in tonight, though,” Darcy said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Coffee?"

“Don’t tempt me, doll,” he said softly. “I think it’s a little too soon. Maybe we should get to know each other better first.”

“Steve Grant,” she said seriously. “Are you so polite that I’m gonna have to chase _you_ around like Dennis Morgan chases Barbara Stanwyck at the end of _Christmas in Connecticut_?” she asked. He laughed.

“If it comes to that in the end, I’ll be very happy,” he said. “Wouldn’t mind if you liked me that much when you get to know me better.” They were in agreement that it was one of their favorite holiday movies. When she said she liked it better than _It’s A Wonderful Life_ , Steve had winked at her and said that he figured she preferred Dennis Morgan in his uniform to George Bailey.

“What if we go see one of those old movies in a real theater next? You know, the way they were meant to be seen? I’ve always wanted to do that,” she said.

“Sounds good to me,” he said. “What do you want to see?”

“One of _The Thin Man_ movies, or, God, I’d love to see _Personal Property_ with Jean Harlow and Robert Taylor on a big screen,” she said. “I love that one. I don’t know if anyone would be showing it though. William Powell and Myrna Loy are a much better bet.”

“Is that the one where Taylor pretends to be a butler?” Steve said, grinning wildly at her.

“Yes! It’s so good. He was so handsome and charming. I’m always sad he had that mustache later. It’s a sin to cover a face that pretty even by a fraction,” she said. “You are not allowed, by the by.” She tapped his nose and he laughed.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said obediently. He got a gleam in his eye. “Darce, what if I get Tony to loan us a big projector and we have an indoor picnic here, just like Harlow and Taylor?” he asked. “Just you and me?”

“I’d like that,” she said.

“I’ll fix it up,” he said.

***

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** So?

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** It was great! He even joined the conga line and didn’t act embarrassed at all.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Remember when I got Ian to go with me when they were in London and was so excited to see them at a really big, swanky venue and he refused to join the conga line?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** He complained for weeks that you joined it without him, the tool.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** He was too ‘reserved British’ for you, I think. You know how they express scorn by, like, slow clapping? That’s too subtle and passive aggressive for you.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Steve was like the complete opposite of that, totally game. He spent all of dinner telling me how much he liked Bill Bryson. And my hair held up great, too. [photo]

 **Let’s Geet Astro-Physical:** Yay! God, rolling those things around your fingers is harder than half my graduate seminars.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** I think we just need to practice. I’m going to keep trying.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Oh em gee, Jane. He did the sweetest thing. Remember that holiday concert?

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** We looked up that ninety year old clarinetist. It turns out he wrote a song with Glenn Miller and it was sort of a big deal in wartime radio show themes? Steve actually teared up when he heard we’d seen someone who knew Glenn Miller. I think he had librarian FOMO.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Awwwwww.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone this, like, agreeable and pleasant. It’s making me totally reassess Charles Bingley’s sex appeal.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** 1995 or 2005?

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Hello, obviously, Ginger Bingley.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Ginger Bingley is the superior Bingley, it’s the only thing I recognize about 2005 _P &P. _

**Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** I’m still not over my crush on that one cute _GBBO_ contestant who looked like Ginger Bingley.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Andrew. Second only to Tamal in my heart. Or Selasi. IDK. Too difficult.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** I was so mad when they used Selasi’s flower cake in all the promos, but he didn’t win that week. It was the best cake!

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Is that the one you wanted to make?

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** The best cake! [photo]

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Hey, do you think I could get Steve to go ginger for one of Tony’s costume parties? His mom was an Irish immigrant, he might be amenable to historical figures from Ireland. Was Parnell a redhead? I only know the Clark Gable movie.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** If Steve lets you do that to him, he IS a Bingley.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** I can’t believe that cake didn’t win. It has multicolored flowers.

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Remember how Thor was so jealous over your Tamal swooning that he threatened to learn to cook?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** After the second fire, I just told him he was much cuter than Tamal everyday for a week and that fixed it.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** He still likes it when I leave him little sticky notes on Mjolnir. [photo]

 **Please Wait, Sarcasm Still Loading:** Awwwww. ‘I heart Thor.’

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments and kudos!
> 
> *I've actually been to a couple Pink Martini concerts, including the Norman Leyden holiday one Darcy describes. I gave it to her, thinking Steve could make a sly joke about remembering Sinatra when he was young, but I then I read Leyden had co-written that song with Glenn Miller and it turned into something more wistful and sad and special for Steve. WWII-era big band music just wrecks me, for some reason. It's so romantic and that somehow makes me want to cry more (the "GI Jo" Stafford chapter in "As Is" made me have THE FEELS as I was writing). The opening of that radio show is like that, too.
> 
> People doing the conga line in the front row at the end of a Pink Martini concert in 2012. You can see them bobbing past and Norman Leyden is playing his clarinet between the lady in red sequins and the lady in orange: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkoWwHwVnME.
> 
> Here's clips of Glenn Miller's "I Sustain The Wings" radio show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDQi1-KFmOU
> 
> "Art Deco Hair" is a real book by Daniela Turudich. It has period diagrams!


	10. Jean Harlow, Robert Taylor, & Tasers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's plans for the Big Reveal to be romantic go slightly awry

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Can I come too?

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I wanna see the movie!

 **Man Out of Time:** Tony, no.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** My therapist says feeling excluded is one of my triggers, Steve.

**Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007): Pleasepleaseplease, Cap?**

**Man Out of Time:** Tony, I’m gonna tell her tonight.

 **Man Out of Time:** She really likes this movie. I’m hoping it’ll be romantic and she won’t be too mad I’ve waited two weeks to tell her.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Tell her another night.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Tell her at my party.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** You’ll be in your spangle suit, there will be dancing, she’ll be swept off her feet.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** To my surprise, that is not a bad plan.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Get the band to play some of your old man music and whisper it in her ear.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** I can totally make that happen.

 **Man Out of Time:** All right, Tony, but you need to get her okay for crashing our movie, too.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Anything else?

 **Man Out of Time:** I’ll ask Jane what foods she likes. She’s always so nice about me not liking anything too fancy. Never makes fun.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Who does the old man music?

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Ben Miller?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** It is Glenn Miller. Americans are such historically ignorant children.

 **Man Out of Time:** Major Glenn Miller. I always wanted to meet him. He volunteered to serve, too. They had him do radio broadcasts from England with his band that we heard in Germany. I loved ‘em.

 **Man Out of Time:** It was a low night when we heard he was dead.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** The bandleader got killed? I didn’t know they had bands fight in WWII?

 **Man Out of Time:** His plane was lost, too. English channel. Left a widow and two children.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Damn.

  
***

 

Steve’s plan for them to have a private indoor picnic with _Personal Property_ went awry when Tony decided he wanted to see it, too. Tony showed up in the lab the next day with a big speech about how he’d been deprived of black and whites on the big screen as well. Apparently, _Miss Fisher_ had awakened his enthusiasm for vintage media. He also brought Darcy a pretty persuasive gift: the new taser she wanted.

 

“Yay, Tony, this is perfect. It’ll fit right in the secret compartment of my new boots from Clint,” she said.

“Clint got you boots?” Tony asked.

“She’s been baking for him,” Jane said from behind one of the lab machines. “It’s a bribe, so he can keep the chocolate chip cookies coming,” she joked.

“You are a terrible cynic, Janey,” Darcy said.

When Tony looked at her quizzically, Jane piped up. “It’s Steve, his Bingley is rubbing off her on, she’s inordinately sincere and cheerful lately.”

“Well, that sounds nauseatingly Hallmark movie,” Tony said.

“It’s terrifying,” Jane said. Darcy burst into laughter.

“Shut up, you trolls,” Darcy said.

“What is a Bingley? Is that a double entendre?” Tony asked. “Does C--Steve have a really big one or something?”

“Oh my God, get out of here before I report you to HR,” Darcy said. Jane snorted.

“See you at the pictures!” Tony called as he left.

  
***

Steve looked relieved that night when Darcy didn’t actually mind. “The more the merrier, honey, it’s not a big deal,” she told him. “We can always watch it again.”

“I had big plans, though,” he said, grinning and putting his arm around her. They walked to the common room.

“Oh, yeah, like what?” she teased playfully.

He did that mock innocent look up at the ceiling. “I might have planned on kissing you a little,” he said. “Before I told you my terrifying secret.”

“Steve,” she said, pretending to be breathless, “are you really a superhero called Mr. Librarian?”

“I might be something like that,” he said, grinning. “I tell very bad people when they’re overdue for a serious fine and then I help little old ladies cross the street. Thor gives me a hand occasionally.”

“He would,” Darcy said. “You know he’s a secret intellectual? He likes to pretend not to be, but I caught him with an issue of _Foreign Policy_ once, reading about India and Pakistan.”

Steve shook his head. “He likes people to think his crazy speeches about the lamentations of his enemies are sincere,” he said wryly.

“Wasn’t that the Terminator?” Darcy asked.

“Maybe that’s where he got in from?” Steve suggested. They were still laughing when they got to the common room. Darcy had offered to get him a fun stamp that said “Overdue!” too. He could stamp Tony with it when he got annoying in the field.

 

Tony had gone all out on the picnic spread. It was a very good date, even if it was less romantic than Steve had intended, Darcy thought. For a start, Steve’s arm around her was very warm and cozy and he somehow managed to snag her the lion’s share of her favorite picnic foods.

“How’d you know I like that lemon pasta salad?” she whispered.

“Easy. I asked Jane,” he said. “I told Tony he had to have your favorite things and your permission to crash our date.”

“Aww,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. “You’re the best.”

Everyone else had a good time, too. She enjoyed watching Nat glare at Clint for laughing too loudly. Thor really enjoyed the slapstick parts. But everyone seemed to laugh at the scene where Robert Taylor pretended to be a butler to help Jean Harlow.

“I can’t believe he’s actually pretending to be a butler!” Tony said, cackling. “That’s a real old movie thing?”

“Yep,” Darcy said. “William Powell in _My Man Godfrey_ , too.”

“The verb is to buttle,” Clint said formally. “He’s buttling.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that Clint, that’s impressive,” Darcy told him.

Nat rolled her eyes.

 

After the movie, Steve walked her back to her apartment. “I wish I could be with you at Tony’s party,” he said, smiling. “I think it would be more fun with you.”

“You’re too cute,” she said, kissing him. “I’ll probably be there for five minutes and bail. Jane hates them.”

“Maybe you’ll have a good time,” Steve said softly. “You never know, Captain America could ask you to dance? He’s always at those things.”

“Oh, he’s too late. My dance card’s all reserved for Mr. Librarian,” she said. Steve found that funny.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments! One more chapter left and I'm posting it sometime today, too.


	11. Galas and Galaxy Cakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony throws a not-so-great party, Darcy and Jane get a real one started
> 
> *I own nothing

She and Jane had decided they would make a brief appearance at Tony’s shindig thingy and then ghost. Darcy hated crowds and carrying her own drink in one space. It was bad enough to spill rose on a Culver professor at a lit reading, she had a real fear of landing on a Vanderbilt in Armani at Tony’s. Thor was obligated to appear for PR reasons as an Avenger, so he’d gone in fancy Asgard garb hours before. Darcy changed in the lab bathroom and kept her work tights and boots on under her dress. The dress was cocktail length and had a cutesy flamingo pattern.  She thought it was cool, in a vaguely retro-meets-Courtney Love way. Jane just changed into a slightly fancier shirt; she’d decided that she shouldn’t have to wear dresses anywhere or for anybody.

“Irish goodbye in fifteen,” Jane said to Darcy as they entered.

“Meet you at the door,” Darcy said. She was wandering through the crowd when an elegant woman stopped her.

“Don’t look, honey, but _Captain America_ has been staring at you since you walked in,” the woman said.

“Oh, I know him a little,” Darcy said. She saw him in his full spangled suit--surrounded by rings of admirers--and gave him a wave. He beamed back at her. The woman looked faintly surprised.

 

Darcy found the food, snagged some and a drink, and then snuck out onto the balcony. It was a little too cold for the fancy dress folk, but she had a sweater. Faintly, she heard the band start to play something more her style. It sounded like Glenn Miller. She was eating a crab puff when a male voice said her name.

“Hi,” Captain America said, smiling.

“Hi, Cap!” she replied cheerfully. "It sounds like they're playing "Moonlight Serenade" in there, did you request it? I love that song," she told him. He smiled. "Crab puff?" she offered.

“Uh, no, thank you. You snuck out here by yourself?” he asked in his as-seen-on-television voice. Darcy resisted the urge to laugh. That would be super rude. She had a gut feeling Cap’s voice was a little bit of stagecraft. It was more “Gordon, I’m Batman!” deep and growly than a normal person’s register.

“Yeah, Jane and I are leaving in a bit,” she said. She looked at her watch. “I’ll do another circle and wave like the queen and then meet her at the door in ten minutes. Are you having a good time?” she asked.

“I shouldn’t answer that question,” he said mischievously. His voice had gone up a little and he sounded more normal guy voiced, like her Steve. He took a step towards her and then said abruptly, “I gotta tell you something, Darcy.”

He’d cleared his throat and was doing this weird motion with his hands, like he was scrubbing them with invisible soap. “I, uh, need to say first that I’m really, really sorry--” he began, but then something started beeping. He looked down. “Oh, no, no,” he said, like someone had kicked over his birthday cake in the middle of the party. He pulled out a Stark phone.

“What’s wrong, Cap?” Darcy said, befuddled.

“It’s my emergency alert,” he said. He was actually cringing. “A tip on the Winter Soldier. I gotta go, doll, but we’ll talk as soon as I get back, okay?”

“Sure,” Darcy said, utterly baffled as to what Captain America could want to talk to her about. He gave her a soft smile and disappeared back inside. He and Thor were already gone looking for the ex-Soviet murderbot dude by the time she found Jane and they skedaddled.

 

She wondered if her Steve had any clue what was going on with the Captain. Also, why was he calling her _doll?_

 

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Where’d everybody go?

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Bucky call out.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Steve is actually speaking to him by phone now. I think he will come back with us.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Jane?

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Jane, you don’t have permission to leave for Bucky call outs.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Please convey to Darcy that I liked her flamingo dress very much.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** I will.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Both of you get back here. It’s only 11:30!

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Too late. I took my pants off already.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Come back anyway. Nobody cares at a Stark party. Pants are optional.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** We’re watching _Miss Fisher_ now.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Don’t you dare watch that without me. What if they kiss?

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** If you’re watching it, I am too. There’s nobody fun at this party. I’ll be there in 3 minutes.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Cool. We’ve paused it. Bring us some of your booze, Tony.

 

***

She didn’t get to tell him about Captain America’s odd behavior, though. A day or two later, while most of the team, including her Steve, were away on various projects, she and Jane went to the LUSH store again. Jane had loved her galaxy bath bombs.

As they left, they were snatched right off the sidewalk.

Luckily, these kidnapping jerks were particularly dim. They didn’t even realize Jane and Darcy had security trackers disguised as jewelry; part of the SI employee package at their clearance level. Idiot Kidnapper #1 left to go do a ransom demand. Once the second had gone--having tied the knots in the ropes too loosely and leaving behind Darcy’s giant bag--Darcy chuckled.

“What?” Jane whispered.

“You activate your necklace tracker, too?”

“Yup,” Jane said. “In the van.”

“I’ve got Tony’s new present in my secret compartment cowboy boots,” she said. “We just gotta get untied.”

“Bless Tony and Clint,” Jane whispered. “Did you ever name it?”

“I’m leaning towards Betty, for the Pink Martini song?” Darcy said. “Looks innocent and fun on the weekends, metes out justice during the week?”

“Oooh, from “Bitty Boppy Betty?” He was the District Attorney, right?” Jane said, wiggling out of her ropes.

“Yup,” Darcy said. “Let’s get this party started.”

They stood behind the door while they waited for Idiot Kidnapper #2 to return. Darcy heard his footsteps and then the door swung open slowly. Then she tased the crap of out him and they ran, locking him in the room. She hit the auto-recharge button on her taser. Never hurt to be prepared for Idiot #1 to come back.

“What’s that noise?” Jane said in a whisper, looking up as they went down the hallway quietly.

“Sounds like a quinjet,” Darcy whispered back. Then they heard a crack of thunder and lightning and a distinctive thump above their heads.

“Thor,” Jane said, beaming.

“And the cavalry,” Darcy said, spotting the stairwell to the roof.

 

When the door to the roof opened, Thor and Captain America were already sprinting towards them. Thor grabbed Jane and was in the air with Mjolnir in seconds, while Captain America lifted Darcy like she weighed nothing and dashed back to the quinjet. “You okay, Darce?” he asked. She was surprised he knew her nickname.

“Jane and I tased Idiot Kidnapper #2. He’s in the cell downstairs. The other one went to do a ransom demand!” she said, yelling over the quinjet noise.

“‘Atta girl,” Captain America said, beaming. “Tony’s got him now!”

As the quinjet lifted off, he set her down gently. “I’m so glad you’re okay!” he yelled over the engine noise. Then he leaned down and kissed her, his hands clasped around her face.

“Captain America, how dare you!” she yelled when he pulled back. “I have a boyfriend! I love him very much!”

“I know!” he yelled. “We need to talk about that!” He laughed. That was his second mistake. She did the first thing she could think of to wipe that smug grin off his face: she tased Captain America.

He dropped like a rock, though he stayed conscious. “Are you laughing?” Darcy said, as she realized he was making a sound from the quinjet floor. It had gotten quiet enough in-flight that she could hear him now.

“You-you tased me!” he said cheerfully, sitting up. “You weren’t gonna let Captain America get fresh with Steve Grant’s girl, were you?”

“No, you pompous schmucky-- _Steve_? Oh. My. God.” He’d taken off his mask. For a minute, she was rendered completely speechless.

“You like me more than Captain America,” he said, beaming. “Me.” He said the word in a tone of wonder.

Someone spoke behind her. “So, this is your girl, Stevie?” the man said, coming around to help Steve off the floor. The dark-haired man--he looked like he could be in one of those indie bands like the Avett Brothers or Mumford & Sons, probably playing the banjo in a straw hat--extended his non-metal arm to her. She was standing in front of that Winter Soldier guy.

“Bucky Barnes,” he said, “you must be Darcy? It’s real nice to meet ya, doll.” He had a surprisingly cute smile for an ex-Soviet murderbot and exceptionally pretty hair. Nat had said they’d had a thing once, sometime between him being Cap’s childhood pal and the whole DC mess. Brainwashing had been involved. She totally got why Nat might though. His thighs were impressive even in her current state of confusion.

“Bucky?” she said, realization dawning. James _Buchanan_ Barnes was a part of the WWII seminars in poli sci, she remembered now. “You were _Captain America_ all this time?” she said to Steve.

He looked at her with a mixture of wistfulness and adoration. “I liked being your Steve better,” he said gently. “I was real happy. I didn’t want you to be scared off by, well, all this,” he said, gesturing at his suit.

“In Punk’s defense, everybody we knew is dead, I’m not entirely fixed up yet, and his last serious relationship happened when FDR was president. It’s a lot for first dates?” Bucky said with surprising ease and charm. He was quippy. Who knew?

“Now, Buck,” Steve said seriously. “Don’t make excuses for me. I know I misled you, Darce, and I’ll accept it as best I can if you can’t forgive me. But everything I told you about me growing up, that was all true, technically. I did all those things. It just happened a little longer ago than you might’ve thought.”

“Who says I’m making excuses?” Bucky said, sounding affronted. “You’re always playing the martyr,” he said and looked at Darcy. “He does this doll, you just have to shake him out of being all self-sacrificing and shit.”

“Language,” Steve said sternly. Barnes snorted.

“It ain’t ‘42 anymore, Punk,” he said. “People cuss in public now. They don’t even bleep half of it on television.”

“That don’t make it right and you know it,” Steve said. Darcy watched with something like amazement as they started to bicker like Lucy and Ethel. Then she started to laugh. “What’s wrong, honey?” Steve said looking at her with concern.

“I have been dating _Captain America_ for two and a half weeks and I didn’t know!” she said, between bursts of laughter. “And I tased him!” It was so weird and funny, it was actually delightful.

“That’s nothing, honey,” Bucky said. “Peggy Carter shot him. He likes that in a girl.”

“I do,” Steve said, beaming at her. Then he frowned a little at Bucky. “How many times do I have to say she didn’t shoot me? She shot _at_ the shield, she told me later she knew it would work, she just wanted to scare the pants off all those old ba--buzzards,” Steve said. “Teach ‘em Agent Carter meant business and wasn’t to be trifled with.”

“You almost slipped there, Stevie,” Bucky said, looking pleased. “In front of a lady.” He stressed the last word pointedly.

“Sorry,” Steve said, giving her a tiny, slightly naughty smile. “I don’t suppose you could forgive me? For that and everything else?” He held his arms out to her. He gave her a sad-puppy dog look. “I really did like just being your fella,” he said. “Most fun I’ve had since--well--” he paused.

“D-Day?” Bucky said wryly. He winked at Darcy. Darcy liked Bucky. He was a rascal. She tended to find that charming.

“I might,” she said, giving Steve a serious look. “I’m at 50% forgiveness now, but if you ever lie to me again, I’ll tase you twice,” she promised. “Maybe three times, if the spirit moves me.” Steve grinned.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said.  

  
“I’d help ya, Darce, just say the word,” Bucky said cheerfully and then went to see Nat in the pilot’s seat.

She had forgiven him about 75% when they stopped making out in the quinjet seat. “This isn’t weird for you?” he asked softly.

“Pshaw, this isn’t anything to aliens falling from the sky, Stevie,” she teased. “I’ve had weirder stuff happen as a regular thing on a Thursday: aliens, gods, explosions, even Norwegian food. I’ve been glared at by Odin himself. That’s a real hairy eyeball. If you think dating the world’s cutest WWII vet is gonna phase me, you’re wrong.” She ruffled his hair.

He looked enormously relieved.

“I might like to hear what you liked best about being my fella, though?” she asked.

“Everything,” he said, beaming at her. “I’ve been having the best time.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“What, doll?” he asked, looking worried,

“I could have had sex with Captain America!” she said.

“Uh-huh,” he said, giving her that mock-innocent look.

“You’re totally not a virgin, either,” she said. “Tony’s been telling everyone you are.”

“Nope,” he said, grinning. “Peggy sorta made sure we kept some nights out of the history books.”

She had forgiven him 95% by the time the quinjet landed at the Tower. It helped that he got on the radio and bragged about what a “self-rescuing dame” she was and how proud he was. “We barely caught them!” she heard him tell Tony. “Two minutes later and they’d have been home before us.”

 

While he was busy, she talked Bucky into telling her his most embarrassing Itty Bitty Steve stories, too.

 

***

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** He told her!

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Is she happy?

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** When she believed Captain America to be kissing her and mocking her Steve, she tased him.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Oh, shit.

 **Iowa Farm Boy:** Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** Yasha says she is at 65% percent forgiveness? They are still kissing now.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** She seems to find him charming also and is not afraid of his arm. It is a good result, all things considered.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** She doesn’t mind weird stuff, really. I tried to tell Steve that.

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Does she know we know yet?

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Whoops. Forgot about that.

 **Comrade, I Have Two Eggs:** A frequent occurrence with many of your plans, Tony.

 **Two Time People’s Sexiest Man Alive (1994, 2007):** Is she gonna be mad at us?

 **Let’s Get Astro-Physical:** Probably. She might withhold my special galaxy birthday cake until next year?

 **Iowa Farm Boy** : Aww, no. I was looking forward to that.

 

-The END-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments and kudos. Y'all are the best!
> 
> Darcy's dress is something like this in my head: https://www.starletvintage.co.uk/hearts-and-roses-london-blue-pink-flamingo-1950s-retro-vintage-flared-sun-dress.html 
> 
> Would people read more in this AU? I sort of want hang around in it for a bit, having Darcy date Captain America, and letting Bucky hang around the lab some.


End file.
